Community is the cure for tensions among men
When I arrived here in Sorrento, Italy in late June, I told my dear friend and colleague, Olga Stinga, that I was launching the AMC Quest for Community. The next words out of her mouth were, “Anna, you have to speak with Don Mario Cafiero.” So this week, I did.
Mario Cafiero is the vice archbishop in an area of Campania known as the Archdiocese of Sorrento-Castellammare. He’s served in this prominent leadership role for 13 years at the Cattedrale di Sorrento. When he’s not creating and fostering a community with his more than 5,000 local parishioners, his eyes and face light up when explaining his four service mission trips in Africa. There in the city of Koupéla, in the country of Burkina Faso, Don Mario has led efforts to build a school and a hospital, among other things.
With Olga as our translator, Don Mario explained to me his light-hearted definition of community, and the organic dynamics that make up his leadership in community. There are two things to note about my visit with the vice archbishop:
It took weeks to secure an appointment with him. You should have heard how many times his landline and cell phone rang during our appointment, or seen the waiting area outside of his office when we left. It’s obvious that he is in-demand.
He promptly and confidently knew his answers to every question I asked.
No one is more important than the other
When I asked Don Mario his definition of community, he promptly replied with, “Community means family. It means no distinction, there is a distinction of roles, but there is a fraternity, a vision and a commitment to meet the goals and deliver the projects, there is no hierarchy. We have different roles but no one is more important than the other.”
This answer instantly reminded me of Eckhart Tolle’s philosophical teachings and studies about the ego. The first step to understanding your ego, is the practice self-awareness. *I’ve studied Tolle’s philosophies for years. This is now my lifelong, yet fruitful practice. Personally speaking, understanding the ego and gaining self-awareness is the beginning of my success and the core of my teaching at Anna Michele Communications.
The vice archbishop believes practicing community diminishes divisiveness. “Because this is the only way to overcome tensions among men. Tensions arise when there is someone that believes that they are better than another. The challenges right now are the people that want to dominate, the people that don’t recommend rules and rights of people. Tensions that are common in all aspects of the life, from work, to family, to community,” said Don Mario.
This thought begs the question; how can we as leaders and colleagues diminish the needs of our egos, for the greater good?
Experiencing life with people as the leader
Whether you believe in, love, or despise the Catholic faith, it is the dominant religion in the country of Italy, and in this Catholic Sorrentine parish, people “show up” for one another. Don Mario sustains thousands of followers and parishioners in this small region of the world by not only facilitating weekly events, but also regularly engaging with them during these unique experiences.
“You are living the experience with them. We pray together, we eat together, we have fun together. We are hiking with meditation. We plan some sort of pilgrimage, depending on the period of the year. For instance, In May through October we have something every week,” said the vice archbishop.
Similar to trends in the U.S. where younger generations are moving from home for different and more unique opportunities, the same is happening in Italy. Don Mario explained that while family is still extraordinarily important in Italy, it’s becoming increasingly difficult for families to stay close. “Because you grow spending time together. So if you don’t stay together, it’s hard to grow in the right way,” said Don Mario.
Then he so eloquently proclaimed, “Alone we don’t go anywhere. You can’t go anywhere alone. Because everyone feels better when they are in a group or a community. Thanks to staying together, you can understand the other, but you can also understand yourself. A person is able to find what they are missing or what they did not notice.” This switched on a new lightbulb in my brain.
I thought about the study abroad program I direct here in Italy in the summers. This year I hired Victoria Certo as the assistant director and also my AMC colleague, and certified meditative coach, Brooke Saffire to support students in the program. Our side conversations about life, work, and spirit have helped me realize more of who they are, and also who I am. As colleagues we are growing together and learning together from one another. We intentionally make time every evening to share meals and have these talks.
How aware are we of what others are teaching us about ourselves? Are we willing to listen? Gathering in community is so sacred and deep. It’s teaching us all the time. This is similar to what my colleague and dear friend, Cristiana Panicco, said here about community a few weeks ago.
Be free and true
Trust is one of my core values and I am deeply attached to Charles Feltman’s definition. It reads,“Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.”
As our conversation continued, Don Mario expressed how the real work in community is allowing people to be free and true. It really comes down to our acceptance, and one’s willingness to show who they truly are. It’s a sort of cycle.
“Stay together, to be free and true, to have an open mind and not to feel different from each other. Freedom in terms of freedom to share ideas, to talk openly without any limitations, freedom in the sense of possibility to express, to be honest, to be humble, to be sincere. These are simple feelings that are lost in our community, said Don Mario.”
Many of my Italian friends tell me that they sense Americans don’t appear to have the freedom to express themselves, even though we are from the “land of the free.” I agree. At times I feel caged with my thoughts. Americans have generated a crippling sensitivity to freedom of speech. That’s something to consider. How often do we “punish” someone for expressing their truth? Or “punish” ourselves for thinking and expressing the way we do? Do we see how diminishing truth, diminishes community? Freedom of expression is critical in Don Mario’s religious community.
In closing, I wish you freedom of expression to cure the tensions among men. I wish that you freely exchange, in truth. As always, I wish you CommUNITY.
Don Mario Cafiero, you are a living example of truth and light in community. Thank you for welcoming me into your beautiful parish. Grazie mille for our meeting.
Reach out to the vice archbishop here. Also, hear from other members of the AMC Quest for Community series featuring, Mario Di Girolamo, Fabiola Fasulo, and Cristiana Panicco.
Together, let’s start a profound movement for international company cultures. Please stay with me on this summer-long journey. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Our AMC 3 C's Mindful Communication Model™, Consciousness, Communication, Community, is an innovative, research-based model that changes the professional development playing field. At AMC we're normalizing consciousness in professional society and encouraging mindfulness so that we can implement effective communication practices that foster longevity in business communities over time.
Grazie per a tutto. Arrivederci!
Mindfully Speaking,
Anna Michele Bulszewicz
Founder, Anna Michele Communications